Enbrel Day 2 - I Get a Cold

I wasn't going to write anything today because I woke up feeling unchanged. Nothing to write. As the morning progressed, I was told by a co-worker that I looked pale, and that was confirmed by two others. I took a look at myself, and determined that it's no big deal. I'm sure it has something to do with my immune system being destroyed.

At about noon, my head compressed, my sinuses closed, I began to cough, and I was angered. A cold. Any other day, I would have my lunch bag with my arsenal of Alieve, Alka Seltzer Plus, and nasal spray, but today, TODAY, of ALL DAYS, I made my lunch and walked out the door, leaving it on the counter.

You have to understand that everyday, in my haste to get away from Phil's recount of his past night at work, his recount of what he heard on the radio, him showing me the new "Hot Rod" magazine, him reading all of the junk mail to me, and him yelling at me to come in and watch the cartoons he's DVR's for me that I tend to forget things. Today was no different. He had already told me how many parts he painted, what color they were, who he worked with, what his co-workers joked about, Lance Armstrong, his radio morning show recap, the junk mail, recounting the dryer repair man's words, the weather report, he had to make fun of Karen Minten and Channel 2 News, get upset about my laundry being on the sofa, get upset about the TV dying, told me what I needed to do today (as if working two jobs wasn't enough)...etc...etc. He was chasing me out the door (I was 20 mins late at this point, because he was determined that I would drive through the middle of a tornado this morning) abd I ran for my car - forgetting my lunch bag.

I don't want to go to work tonight. In fact, I'm longing for the comfort of my own bed right now. I'm not tired, but I'm longing for some Vick's Vapor Rub, my humidifier, and some Nyquil.

I have a sneaking suspicion where I received this funk. Lesson learned: When on Enbrel, stay far away from the sick - even if they say it isn't contagious.

Enbrel: Day 1

February 23, 2012

Inventory of afflicted joints:

• Both ankles
• Both knees
• Both wrists
• Left elbow
• Jaw
• Most fingers and joints on the right hand except pinkie

Yesterday was a bad day. I left work early to get my legs massaged, got a bite to eat and went home. My Enbrel was there! I wasted no time and took the first sub-cutaneous injection. I think took my Plaquenil, Mobic, and half a pain pill, grabbed about 5 pillows and 2 ice-packs, elevated my feet, and iced them. It felt fantastic.

I woke this morning to no obvious change; however, I'm told that it will take at least two weeks to get into my system.

Swelling

My Excel is imploding right now, so I want to take a moment while it recovers thousands of pages to focus on swelling.

First, it's not a pleasant feeling. I put my shoes on in the morning - just like you do. Today, I'm having a flare-up. by 10AM, i had to take my shoes off - notice the binding marks on my feet. I also had to take off my watch. Looks like my left hand felt lonely and wanted to join the right.

Second, there is no way to control swelling. I can only ease it. If I were at home, I would ice and elevate, but I can't right now. The only thing I can do is kind of prop them on a box in front of me on a downward slant. I don't think this helps though. The only other thing I can do is take a trusty Alieve - DONE!

Third, I can't focus. With each little bit of inflammation, the pain sears in my joints and allows me to only think of it. Truly, I'm dreading the drive home and the constant movement of my ankles and wrists as I manipulate up Atlanta Motor Speedway (or I-75). I know I will be exhausted after the hour and a half drive.

I don't feel well today. Although my blood sugar is 115, and I've taken all the useless vitamins, NSAIDS and DMARDS. I feel like I'm at a stake burning - starting with my feet. My Enbrel should be here today. I won't waste a second taking the injection.

Gnarly, Dude

I'm not looking forward to becoming mangled. I do realize it's inevitable, but I'm not going to let the thought stop me now...while I can still move. Before I was diagnosed and having ankle pain, I looked down at my feet, and I thought to myself, "My feet look just like my grandfather's." They did. I saw his a lot. He didn't care for the notion of shoes, and neither do I.did take a picture (on my blackberry) and I thought I had one to upload, but I can't find them. I thought then that I had RA. I asked Dr Moss to test me, but he dismissed me as a hypochondriac, and he refused the test. I could have known four years ago. He could have lessened my pain and prevented my joints and bones from becoming misshaped. I don't remember a lot about my grandfather - or my past, in general, but I do remember his screams of pain. I do remember his gnarled hands, feet, and knees. I see my grandmother's hands now, and mine are on track to look like hers soon if nothing is done. So, for my chronicle of progression, I introduce into evidence Exhibits A & B - my hands:

This one is my right hand. As of today, 02/16/2012, I have joint damage in my right 3rd distal, proximal, and metacarpophalangeal joints, and can't curl it very well. My index finger started gnarling up last week, and I now have damage in my 2nd proximal joint. In addition to my fingers, my entire carpus joints are swollen and painful to the point that the pain never ends. I'm told this hand has become chronic (LOL!), and Dr Peller says it could be worse, but I can't imagine how.

My left hand is not as affected as the right. I have no chronic pain here or joint distortion yet. I only have flare-ups in my wrist and thumb occasionally.


I know what lies ahead, and I'm scared, but I'm not going to stop....yet. I ordered my Enbrel today, and I will have it next Wednesday. I'm a bit excited. I'll stop smoking this coming Monday - not looking forward to forced stopping. So this is close to the end of the baseline and the beginning of treatment. I hope I enjoy the ride.

Branded du dudu du du du..

I've been branded once. My sister, Kristy, stuck a metal skewer into a gas heater until it was glowing red and pressed it to the back of my thigh. You can still see the faint circle of scar back there, but there was also another scar - in my head. I'll never forget that. She laughed and ran around the house singing the theme song of "Branded" as I cried. So, when I tell you that when I have a flair-up, and it feels like a hot branding iron in my joint, trust me that I know what I'm talking about. The flair-ups are easy to spot - Swollen, red joints that have splotches and are rendered motionless by the shear volume of inflammation in the joint. They are not pleasant.

You can't always see pain. When you see stitches, an open gash; a scrape or bruise you can somehow sympathetically feel that they somehow hurt because at one point in your life you have experienced it. RA pain is a bit different depending on the stage. I escaped the first stage without a diagnosis. The comings and goings of dull, aching pains in my ankles and shoulders. Ice and elevation the cure for those fleeting few days of inconvenience.

When I was finally diagnosed in October 2011, I had already progressed to the next stage of the disease. I was having daily pain. Unable to sleep a full night, I would take Tylenol PM to put me to sleep, but I would still wake up in the morning feeling, and looking, like I had an hour's sleep. My knees feel like I've been kneeling on concrete for days, and there is rarely any relief to that feeling. When I wake in the morning, I'm so stiff that it takes 20 minutes before I can walk somewhat normally - I do take that time to waller in bed, just flexing my joints as I try to get a few more moments of rest. When I hit the floor, the balls of my feet feel like I've stepped on gravel with bare feet. I then have to walk that off. My most recent X-Rays show that I have 3 affected joints - my toes, my left knee, and my right bird finger. These joints never give up.

Anti-inflammatories and DMARDS do nothing to stop this pain. They merely calm the flair-ups. If I've been hateful recently (and you don't deserve it), then I'm sorry. I finaly got my prescription for Enbrel, so we'll see how I feel in a few weeks :)

Injuries

A few posts back, I had mentioned that I first noticed my ankle pain and swelling when I was attacked by Gus, my sister's ankle biting Corgi, and a year later had lied about tripping off the treadmill. Well, today is confessional. To Chandra and Barbie, my closest friends, I want to say I'm sorry for lying to you the most, and to everyone else I would like to apologize too. I just didn't want to look like a fat @$$ who swells.

I am a clumsy person. Who else could fall into a hot tub while sitting down and sober?

It's hard to explain to someone why you have swelling and pain when you have no recollection of an injury, thus I made them up. I was embarrassed to admit that I was simply hurt at no apparent cause.

The only real injury I've had was falling into the boat and spraining my ankle.

I didn't sprain my ankle dancing at the Panic concert last May (I couldn't explain the swelling and pain that had come on so rapidly).

I have never fallen off my heels (You may notice that I stick to flat soled shoes now).

I have not tripped into walls thus injuring my hand and wrist.

I did not have a broken wrist from shark fishing, BUT - although my hand was already the size of a balloon when I did go fishing, I DID tear cartilage in my wrist. When that injury never cleared up, I was sent to a hand specialist who knew immediately what was going on.