Gnarly, Dude

I'm not looking forward to becoming mangled. I do realize it's inevitable, but I'm not going to let the thought stop me now...while I can still move. Before I was diagnosed and having ankle pain, I looked down at my feet, and I thought to myself, "My feet look just like my grandfather's." They did. I saw his a lot. He didn't care for the notion of shoes, and neither do I.did take a picture (on my blackberry) and I thought I had one to upload, but I can't find them. I thought then that I had RA. I asked Dr Moss to test me, but he dismissed me as a hypochondriac, and he refused the test. I could have known four years ago. He could have lessened my pain and prevented my joints and bones from becoming misshaped. I don't remember a lot about my grandfather - or my past, in general, but I do remember his screams of pain. I do remember his gnarled hands, feet, and knees. I see my grandmother's hands now, and mine are on track to look like hers soon if nothing is done. So, for my chronicle of progression, I introduce into evidence Exhibits A & B - my hands:

This one is my right hand. As of today, 02/16/2012, I have joint damage in my right 3rd distal, proximal, and metacarpophalangeal joints, and can't curl it very well. My index finger started gnarling up last week, and I now have damage in my 2nd proximal joint. In addition to my fingers, my entire carpus joints are swollen and painful to the point that the pain never ends. I'm told this hand has become chronic (LOL!), and Dr Peller says it could be worse, but I can't imagine how.

My left hand is not as affected as the right. I have no chronic pain here or joint distortion yet. I only have flare-ups in my wrist and thumb occasionally.


I know what lies ahead, and I'm scared, but I'm not going to stop....yet. I ordered my Enbrel today, and I will have it next Wednesday. I'm a bit excited. I'll stop smoking this coming Monday - not looking forward to forced stopping. So this is close to the end of the baseline and the beginning of treatment. I hope I enjoy the ride.